Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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