Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize