So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
