omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
