she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
