Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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