nutella sex= disaster
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
