Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
