She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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