i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
