my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
