i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
