FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
two words...techno handjob
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
