How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
