This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
