D3 body, D1 cock
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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