You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
