its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize