I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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