there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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