the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
