Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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