He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
