dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
