Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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