Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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