oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
