I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
