Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
