Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
