I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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