i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
