Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
