I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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