we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
