You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
