you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
