Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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