I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
