The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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