Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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