We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
