I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
