My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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