I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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