I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made him laugh his dick is mine
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
