Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize