I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
