Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
