Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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