Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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