She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
