i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
