oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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