I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
BRING THE BAGELS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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