called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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