I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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