I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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