Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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