I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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