What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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