i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
