Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
