My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I pour the whiskey from now on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
