i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize