So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
