when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
